Sunday, May 11, 2008

The Cafeteria Ketchup Conspiracy

The movie Kate and Leopold introduced me to this delightful little rhyme:
You shake and shake the ketchup bottle;
None will come, and then a lot’ll.
Such a thing is impossible at the cafeteria of the Law Firm. Every time, and I mean every single time you want ketchup, the bottle is almost, but never entirely, empty. You upend it and wait patiently as the last dregs of ketchup wend their weary way down. You shake, slap and curse the bottle. If you are patient and vigorous enough, you are eventually rewarded with a blob of bottom-dwelling ketchup, in consistency not unlike alluvium.

How can the bottle have the exact same amount of ketchup every time we visit the cafeteria? I have given much thought to the question, and there seems to be only one solution. The stingy rascals who run the pantry wish to prevent people from overusing ketchup. To ensure this, they have, at all times, two bottles of ketchup: one full and one empty. Before mealtimes, they pour a minute amount from the full bottle into the empty one, and set the latter on the table. The other bottle is returned to a secret place, whose location is known only to the evil Pantry Master.

I admit that it takes a devious mind to uncover such a conspiracy, but to dream it up calls for a mind which is positively diabolical. Anyhow, the Cafeteria Ketchup Conspiracy has been uncovered and laid bare. You read it here first.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Doubletake, Doublethink. said...
thank god for corruption.

A.K. Visalakshi said...
hahaha! there's a 'vending machine' conspiracy also! See, if you can figure that out!

I see you've discovered the beauty of Ctrl+J, although I see, Wodehouse hasn't been PG-ed yet!

A.K. Visalakshi said...
Oh jeez. you haven't yet! My bad!

Rahul Saha said...
So they do this at about the same time the switch the AC off? Ctrl+J sucks btw.

A Couch-side View said...
I think its due to a different reason. The pantry fellas eat before the associates do and they have lots of bottles of ketchup with them. So by the time they are done with their meal, there is usually very little ketchup left in the bottle they used for that particular meal and they leave that bottle in the cafeteria. They are clever enough I think not to be doing extra work such as pouring ketchup from one bottle into another.

Sroyon said...
@doubletake: Amen

@visa: Is there? How come I haven't noticed? Do tell me about it, please.

@saha: You trying to start a full-blown war here with Visa or what?

@suhrith: Your theory has the vice of being less interesting, but the virtue of being probably true.