Thursday, July 17, 2008

The Mystery of the Locked Loos

There’s nothing quite like a nice, juicy mystery to get the boys’ hostel excited. The last time I remember so many theories flying around was when a kleptomaniac stole cash, cell phones, watches and hard drives worth tens of thousands of rupees. The culprit was eventually discovered and brought to justice. This time, it’s something even more serious.

Since last Sunday, two out of the six loo cubicles in the second floor toilet have been locked. From the inside.

The first theory was, of course, that someone had hanged himself in there. But this explanation had its skeptics. What are the odds that two people would commit suicide on the same day in adjacent cubicles? Very slim. Again, why would anyone choose a loo cubicle as a suicide venue? Loo cubicles have their virtues, but they leave much to be desired in the way of cheerfulness and hygiene.

Anyway, the Suicide School of Thought has now been conclusively proved wrong. There is a narrow gap between the partition wall and the ceiling (hereinafter, “the gap”). Tall people have peered through this gap, and pronounced that there are no bodies. We have groaned in disappointment and moved on to other theories.

The Supernatural School has its own set of explanations. Some believe that the ghost of the Pink Lady, who for a time terrorised residents of the fifth floor, is now plying her trade on the second. Others babble wildly about people flushing themselves down the toilet, spontaneous combustion, dematerialisation and little green men. But no true investigator ever admits a supernatural explanation.

That leaves the field open for the Pragmatic School, who point at the gap (see picture below) as the key to the mystery.


The Gap Theory is indeed plausible. But consider for a moment what our mystery man would have to do to accomplish his feat. He would have to enter a cubicle, lock the door, scale a seven foot wall possibly using the commode and the window ledge for support, wriggle through the gap, drop seven feet down into the next cubicle, lock the door again, scale the wall again, wriggle through the gap again, and eventually drop to safety.

So this gives rise to a new set of questions. Who would do such a thing? And why? Was it one of the cleaners, trying to reduce the floor space he had to cover each day? Was it a late-riser who had to wait in the bathroom queue every morning and now wants everyone else to wait in line? Was it a resident of some other floor, jealous of the incredibly cool second floor, and trying to despoil our standard of living?

The morning queues grow longer, speculation grows more intense, and toilet goers grow ever more frustrated. But the locked doors are telling no tales. Silent and enigmatic, they stay as locked as ever.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Jayantika Ganguly said...
Probably someone looking for a bit of adventure, methinks; creating a memorable incident for posterity!

humptydumpty said...
I have heard of this...there was this guy (wudnt take names here)...who did that to escape an insect or something (a cockroach?!)...is that any lead whatsoever??...

Indecision Personified! said...
boys? scared of puny insects - which even us 'girls' do not shriek at the sight of?.... tch tch... but i think the best 'theory' is the 'pragmatic theory' and agree with jayantika. i think it's one of those many people in college who these days have nothing to do and hence think of ways in which in which to give themselves something to do and others... some food for thought!

new age scheherazade said...
why a man? it seems to me that it could be an intrepid girl(would fit the size of the Gap, too) who got the better of the boys hostel. i'm insulted on behalf of women that that thought never occured to the investigators.

Rahul Saha said...
Maybe its someone with a crap fetish hoping everyone will crap all over the hostel.

Sroyon said...
@ jayantika: And for us.

@humptydumpty: Locked a toilet door from the inside and then climbed out over the partition wall? To escape a cockroach? You and your leads...

@indecision: Yes, Mrunmayee makes one of her usual inane comments, and we all start discussing cockroaches. You people are even worse than the Supernatural School.

@scheherazade: Well it's possible, but the appearance of a girl on the second floor of the boys' hostel would have been noticed, in all probability.

@saha: You have a fetish fetish.

humptydumpty said...
I SWEAR ITS TRUE!!!!!!!

the boy said...
ayan the pragmatic?